


Staggering

by TechnoSkittles



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: F/F, suicide TW
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-15 07:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3438437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnoSkittles/pseuds/TechnoSkittles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a short drabble. Sayaka's ready to end it all until some strange girl finds her and she reconsiders what her life is worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Staggering

**_{If my life is mine; What shouldn't I do?}_ **

The ground loomed below her, her head spinning the longer she stared down at the pavement of the sidewalk. The rusted fence dug into her sweaty palms and fingers. Her grip on the thin wires was the only thing keeping her steady on the ledge right now and any second now she would let go and allow herself to be pulled by gravity. But she held on to those last few seconds, going over her life in detail because it would be the last time she would be able to do so.

"I take it you're not here to sight-see."

The new voice startled her and her grip slackened a fraction of an inch, almost sending her plummeting off the roof before she regained her balance and tightened her grip. Clutching the fence with white knuckles she spared a glance over her shoulder. There stood a girl who had her hand stuffed casually into her jacket pocket, munching on an apple. Her long dark hair shifted in the wind, the afternoon sun playing with the color, painting it different hues of red. Her expression was passive if not downright bored. She was around Sayaka's age, give or take a couple of years.

Sayaka blinked. "Who are you?"

The girl shrugged and took another bite of her apple, spilling juice down her wrist. "What's it matter to you? You don't seem keen on sticking around much longer for it to be relevant."

Sayaka frowned and had half the mind to turn around and strangle the girl, but the fence and her position so close to certain death saved the redhead from being throttled. She scoffed. Lucky her.

"So," the girl spoke up again. "What's your story?"

"What's it matter to you?" Sayaka spat back her own words at her.

Instead of some snide remark like she had expected, the girl only shrugged her shoulder and took one last bite of her apple before tossing it carelessly behind her, rolling around on the rooftop gravel. "Curiosity."

Sayaka faced forward again, pulling against the fence as she leaned herself forward. "Well then I'm not telling you."

"Ya leave a note?"

She turned her head again. "Excuse me?"

"A note. Ya know. Those things people normally leave before they off themselves."

No, she hadn't. Sayaka leaned back against the fence, almost resting her back against it. This whole idea had been rather spontaneous and driven by intense emotions; she hadn't thought to go home, let alone write out a note to leave behind. So wrapped up in her own turmoil she hadn't considered those who would be left behind, wondering forever, pondering why she did it. The only person who had even a remote idea would probably be Madoka, but she hadn't spoken to her in a week. She'd be nearly as clueless as the rest of them.

Maybe if she didn't tell anyone it would be the equivalent to disappearing entirely, which is what her real goal was. However she hadn't quite figured out how to just evaporate out of existence yet. And honestly, it seemed she'd never have a chance. She wouldn't have much of a chance to do anything anymore.

The thought made her stomach turn sour and her eyes burn.

"No. I didn't."

The girl, who had walked forward to stand right next to her behind the safety of the fence sometime when she was lost in thought, nodded. "Figured. Ya really wanna go out without anyone knowing your story? Any last confessions? Regrets?"

Her mouth twisted into a wry smile and she looked down at her shoeless feet. "I wish I didn't."

"Wanna share 'em?"

She turned to look at the redhead, who had procured a box of pocky from somewhere on her person and was now absently chewing on a stick. Her gaze wasn't directed at her but rather at the ground below through the links of the fence, her eyes hard. As if she were imagining Sayaka's body strewn across the pavement, lying face down in a pool of her own blood, limbs twisted and turned in the most impossible ways. When Sayaka followed her gaze and pictured the same image, the police tape, the flashing lights of an ambulance, the crowd of murmuring people - the more inconsiderate trying to snap pictures with their phones, she shuddered and inched back.

"No, not really."

The girl nodded and lifted her gaze up, staring straight ahead now. Before she had been too far away for Sayaka to pick out the color of her eyes, but now she saw they were a deep maroon color, bordering on red. It startled Sayaka at first, but upon further consideration she decided it suited the redhead, matching her hair wonderfully. Still, it made her uncomfortable to stare for too long, so she faced forward again, her eyes roaming over the buildings lower to the ground and halting at the ones that stretched high above the horizon.

"Ya mind if I share mine then?"

Sayaka blinked and looked over at the girl. "Yours?"

The girl shrugged. "Sure. If it's okay with you."

"You wouldn't even tell me your name. Why tell me your story?"

The girl was silent for a minute, taking the time to reach into her box and pull out another stick of pocky and place it between her lips before answering. "My name can't help anyone."

Sayaka sighed and slumped against the fence. So far as she was getting was mixed signals from this stranger who at first seemed almost _amused_ at her soon demise....and now she wanted to _talk her out of it_? A part of Sayaka told her to completely disregard the girl and go through with her original plan. The muscles in her arm tensed up in preparation to shove herself toppling over the edge and ending it all right now without another thought, another word.

But her grip held fast and steady and she stiffly nodded her head, signaling for the girl to speak.

For a moment she feared the girl hadn't seen and opened her mouth to voice her confirmation when the girl started talking. 

"I was like you once. Staring death straight in the face 'cause I figured it was my only option." She shifted so her back leaned against the fence and tucked her head to her chest, pocky stick hanging between her clenched teeth. "It ain't easy, I know."

To say Sayaka was surprised would've been an understatement yet a lie at the same time. On one hand she could hardly see this crass girl standing on that line between life and death, ready to cross it on her own accord as an escape to everything. Yet on the other hand, it felt right, as if she somehow knew this despite having barely spoken to her for more than five minutes. She didn't seem the type at first, but after careful examination and thinking about the situation from a different standpoint, she wondered why she hadn't guessed beforehand.

"I was homeless; my dad killed my mother and my sister before hanging himself." She said this so casually, as if talking about somebody she had heard on the news rather than had experienced a life with. "We weren't doing too well financially and one day he just....snapped. Guess it all became too much for 'im. But I was left behind and, for the longest time, I wish I had died with them. I even came close to following their example at one point." She smiled sadly and kicked at some of the gravel underneath her feet. "I wanted to see them again, no matter what it took."

Sayaka squirmed uncomfortably on the ledge, biting the inside of her cheek. The girl's story was gruesome and depressing, much more so than her own reason for wanting to die. Compared to this girl, her problem seemed so miniscule that she almost felt guilty for still even considering it.

"But right before I did it, I decided that, this is my life. And while I have every right to want to take it, I also have every right to want to see where it takes me. My family meant everything to me, I would've done anything for them. But at that moment I realized that...my life is my own. Killing myself wasn't going to fix anything. So I pushed through. Eventually got a job. Got a swanky new apartment. Working on getting my GED." The girl finally turned to face her. "Saving others when I can."

Sayaka scoffed and rolled her eyes. "So what? You some kind of guardian angel or something?"

The girl smirked and shrugged. "Dunno. Has a nice ring to it though." 

They stood there in silence after that, the cool evening breeze picking up and playing with their hair. The sun in the distance began to fall from the sky, painting the city orange and red in some spots and dark blue in others. Blue eyes glanced down at the pavement again, reimagining the scene of her death, before squeezing them shut, trying to drown out the image.  _What was she doing?_

Sure, Kyousuke didn't love her. But...did that _really_ mean this was a good idea? Was taking her own life, one she had barely lived, the solution to simple heartbreak? It hurt of course, and it probably would for awhile. But why did one guy's rejection have to drive her over the edge? Standing up straighter, Sayaka inhaled a deep breath. It wouldn't. She wouldn't allow it.

"Hey...um..."

"Kyoko."

Sayaka nodded. "Kyoko. You, uh, mind helping me back over the fence?"

Kyoko smiled and pocketed her box of pocket in the seat of her shorts, turning around to face Sayaka. "Ready to give it another go?"

She smiled and gripped the fence even tighter than before, absolutely determined not to fall.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's just been one of those days.


End file.
